Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Memoir 1, Prologue

April 4, 2013
1543
            My calling to be a pastor — a teacher of God’s Word — brings with it an ever-growing joy, but it also brings overwhelming pressures as well as a few losses.  Being chosen by God since before my birth to teach His Word is the greatest honour that a human being can be bestowed to live for.  I am eternally grateful for the calling, but I am also troubled.  As I’ve said, my calling brings with it pressures and losses.  As a prospecting pastor, people hold me to a certain standard — the highest of expectations.  Unbelievers and even Christians are fooled into believing that Christians are called to perfection, and that their pastors are called to an even higher righteous perfection.  They have believed a lie.  We are called to love.  We do not achieve perfection until the coming of the Messiah and are designated by God’s seal (Revelation 7:2-3).  As a prospecting pastor, people expect me to be the quintessence of perfection — to be as perfect as God Himself.  They may not put it in those terms, but when we fail in small and grander things, we are assumed to be a colossal failure in the purpose that we are called to serve.  This is another lie.  Pastors are just as human as anybody else, just as all Christians are, and we are not exempt to failure.  The false belief that we Christians and pastors are exempt to failure is a strange phenomenon.  We are no more human than the unbeliever.  God’s expectations of us, and the pastor, are much more reasonable to achieve than the expectations that man creates.  The reason is this:  God has given us statutes and commands that He not only expects us to follow, but also expects us to fail every now and again, and the last expectation being the repentance and renouncing of our sins.  Man, on the other hand, mandates such high and unrealistic expectations (that they themselves are incapable of acquiring also) and when we, the Christian or pastor, come to failure they offer no forgiveness and instead offer condemnation and inadequacy.  The higher your role in the Church, the more stringent the commands given by man.  The fact that their expectations are unbiblical doesn’t help either.  It is utterly ridiculous, and it brings a sadness to my heart.  We have not only come into an age of “reason,” but also an age of doubt, deceit, and discouragement.  This calling overwhelms some modern prospecting pastors, but I dearly pray to God that I do not become overwhelmed but rather to continue seeking His face and learn more of Him.
            There are certain losses that we prospecting pastors must face.  The loss of friends and family association is inevitable.  I have faced this far too often and it truly pains my heart.  It has been the most difficult thing, psychologically, that I’ve had to face thus far.  When I speak in refutation, speaking obvious words of meekness and loving admonition, they confuse it with condemnation.  They think that because I gently correct them that must mean I’m condemning them also.  That is not at all true.  With admonition (instruction) come realisation, then humility, then repentance, and then renouncing the sin.  But being arrogant and stubborn American, we hate being wrong.  I speak Scripture that people prefer not to hear, for it testifies against their sin, and they assume that it is I alone who is testifying against their sin.  They are sadly mistaken.  I do not, will not, and cannot condemn any human being.  Jesus tells us, “The world cannot hate you, but it hates Me because I testify about it that its works are evil” (John 7:7).  God is the ultimate judge when it comes to condemnation.  I speak the Word accordingly to the Scriptural texts and I experience hostility from the listeners to the point where I am forced to no longer associate with certain friends and even family.  This is only the case where the individuals refuse to listen and instead choose to take offence and debate and argue.  If you’re offended, good; I’m doing my job.  But offending people is not the objective; it is simply peoples’ reaction to God’s Word.  God’s Word is supposed to offend us because it testifies against our sins, because they’re works of evil.  If God’s Word hurts your precious feelings, then His Word is just doing its work in you.  If you feel a slow, quick, or even unfamiliar (sometimes appearing as unattractive) change within you, then the Holy Spirit is doing its work within you.
As a Christian, we are not to have an argumentative attitude when it comes to our faith, ergo I am coerced to depart.  Then as soon as I depart, that concludes our friendship or association, unfortunately.  It is truly painful and is very difficult for me.  So I seek the Lord’s comfort and guidance, and I continue in my studies in the Scriptures.  I realise that when we hear His Word, we are responsible for it and what we do with it.  I also accept that I have no power over peoples’ decisions, not that I’ve ever tried to force peoples’ decision making.  I realise that after hearing the Truth and if they never choose to believe for the entirety of their lifetime, then they will inevitably face God’s wrath that we have been warned about in Revelation.  While this truly saddens me, I acknowledge that I have no power in it or over it and have done my duty as a pastor (and a Christian) by preaching and sharing the Word.  Their accepting or rejecting of it is not within my power, for it’s not even within God’s power.  I dare to say that this is the beauty of free will.
            There is yet another type of loss, regarding friendship.  There is not only the loss of friendship with somebody, but also a lesser loss in that while we still remain friends, our association has become minimal, so our friendship narrows down to a mere acquaintance.  The reason for this is that when socialising with them comes a variety of temptations.  Sex, profanity, gossip, alcohol abuse, and the likelihood of straying from the path that God has set for me.  So it is better to no longer associate with them socially, but still remain friends and to be there for them spiritually when they need me.  I always enjoy socialising with these certain individuals, but I cannot jeopardise my faith and path with God for their friendship.  As much as it pains me, I would rather lose their friendship completely than fall from my calling commanded by God.
            Becoming a pastor is the most difficult life transition I’ve had to go through, but it comes with so many rewards, the large majority of which I still have yet to experience.  It’s not the personal rewards I’m concerned with, though, but rather the rewards being the many people that I will touch and bring to Christ and the teaching and counselling that the body of believers will learn from me.  Those are much more of rewards than the blessings that God will give unto me that benefit me personally (i.e. financial needs, a woman to marry, etc.).

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